The menace from Fredonia

Let’s play a parlor trick on the Republicans.

Let’s send Robert Gibbs out to announce to the White House press corps that America faces an imminent attack from terrorists based in Fredonia.

And then wait for the insanity to begin.

Glenn Beck: (weeping) OMG the humanity! All the women and little children at risk of being MURDERED IN THEIR BEDS by these Fredonians!

Michael Steele: We’re imposing a new litmus test. Anyone Republican doesn’t take a hard line on Fredonians will be drummed out of the party.

Dick Cheney: We warned the Obama people about this Fredonia threat, but they just don’t care about endangering every American man, woman and child.

Sarah Palin: All ya gotta do is look at the dang map, and see the border between Fredonia and Ruritania, and the threat is so obvious that everybody but Obama can see it!

Joe Lieberman: Clearly Obama was remiss in not nuking Fredonia because of the obvious threat to Israel …

Orly Taitz: If Obama was a real American, he would have wiped out the Fredonians months ago!

Mitch McConnell: We’re introducing an amendment that will block all health care reform unless the Fredonian menace is met with military conquest – and all abortions and gay marriages are banned in conquered Fredonia.

Chris Matthews: back in my day, Lyndon Johnson was a real man, he never would have let this Fredonia thing spin out of control!

David Broder: If only Obama had the good sense to listen to the establishment and the moderates in his own party on Fredonia, we wouldn’t be in such terrible danger!

David Gregory: I’ve been to Fredonia many times, and I just can’t understand how the Obama administration lost control of this issue.

Boehner: …and those Fredonians have that creepy brown skin too. Gives me the willies.

Chuck Todd: In an overnight poll, two-thirds of Americans are afraid of Fredonia and think Obama isn’t doing enough to fight them.

McCain: My advisers told me to attack Obama last year for his naïve policy on Fredonia, but I don’t believe in going negative.

George Stephanopoulos: Bill Clinton would have reached a deal with these Fredonians before things got out of hand. Where is Obama on this??

Teabaggers: NUKE FRENODIA! NUKE FRENODIA!


Then we’ll explain to them that Fredonia is a fictional country invented by Groucho Marx.

And they STILL won’t back down. Because they never back down when they’re busted on their lies – they invariably double down on their bets, in the hope that America has more stupid people than smart people.

"I am Captain Spalding, the African explorer..."