Saturday 17 November 2012

More on secession

A masterpiece from Bob Cesca on the lunacy of threatening secession, and the dirty secret that the people who are whining about half the country consisting of imaginary black and brown freeloaders, are actually very real white freeloaders. They’re just trying to shove the black and brown people away from the pig trough so they can secure their own slop supply. So, here’s Bob:

“There would be a massive refugee crisis of non-secessionists flooding out of the secessionist states. They'd be the smart ones….Most of the red states had heretofore taken more federal aid than they paid back in federal taxes. South Carolina, for example, takes $1.35 in federal money for every dollar it pays in federal taxes. Louisiana takes $1.78. Talk about moochers and freeloaders. After secession, that gravy train would cease to exist. Farmers, corporations, small businesses, universities and law enforcement would crumble without federal aid -- grants, contracts, matching funds, tax breaks, etc. It's likely the power grid, pipelines, shipping lanes and, yes, satellite and internet communications would be summarily blocked by the U.S. government. The confederacy would be totally cut off from the rest of the world. How would northern medical equipment and pharmaceuticals reach the seceded states? Black-marketeers would spring up in every town….States would end up splitting into smaller and smaller pieces with parts of states seceded from other parts -- subdividing and subdividing until the confederacy vaporized or was reunified into a more traditional federalist system….If you're on Social Security -- gone. If you're on Medicare -- gone. Hell, if you rely on the internet to do business -- gone. And you should be prepared to wage war against the most powerful military in the history of mankind.”

So these morbidly obese elderly rednecks will proudly hang their Confederate flags on their trailers, and then waddle out to their mailboxes to get their federal government Medicare checks and their federal government Social Security checks. But the checks won’t be there. In fact no mail will be there, because mail delivery is a federal government service. They lose the VA, FEMA, maintenance on the interstate, school lunches, college loans, small business loans, mortgages, unemployment. A lot of their food will be pricey because it will be imported.

They will lose their military power. Think of it! The bellicose Foghorn Leghorn leaders in the south will fulminate about evil Muslims, and then they will have no military tools to do anything about it. The south might grab a few bases, but without the equipment, money and spare parts flowing into those installations, those bases will close quickly, and their civilian personnel, the backbone of most bases, will quit and go north. A few soldiers will quit the U.S. Army to join the southern army, but why would anyone want to quit the greatest army in world history, to join a puny, under-resourced southern force that will never matter in the real world? If the south had to take on even a puny country like Cuba in a war, they would lose. The south will cease to matter at all, on the world stage.

They will lose corporate America. A few corporations are based down south, but even they need the markets of the north to stay alive. The big banks, the big insurance companies, the major industries, transportation, publishing, entertainment, the tech sector, are overwhelmingly in the north and will stay there. The north will remain the preeminent economic and fiscal superpower in the world. The south, deprived of all that economic muscle, deprived of all that financing, will atrophy. They will become the Greece of the Western Hemisphere. Latin Americans will laugh at them. Only oil revenue will prevent immediate fiscal collapse.

The UN will add the Confederacy to their list of independent nations. And they will list the Confederacy near the bottom for poverty, income, unemployment, life expectancy, cancer rates, drug abuse, alcohol abuse, health care, violent crime, divorce, domestic violence, child abuse, teen pregnancy, education. Overall they will be somewhere between Mexico and Costa Rica if they’re lucky.

Lawmaking will take off like a rocket in both countries. The real America, the north, east and west, will wave goodbye to all those southern obstructionists and pass laws on climate change, immigration, health care, Middle East policy, gays, and Wall Street reform. But down in the Confederacy: banning abortion and contraception, pulling brown-skinned people over to check their papers, banning evolution and climate change from the schools, privatizing schools and police service and fire service and health care so everything is cash on the barrelhead and only the rich can live normal lives, thus causing anyone with half a brain to flee the south for the north.

The worst thing that can happen to a conservative, is to see the mess that ensues when their crazy ideas are actually implemented.


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