Listen to this, and tell me if you think this
is the word of God.
Do not eat any detestable thing. These
are the animals you may eat: the ox, the sheep, the goat, the deer, the gazelle, the roe deer, the wild goat, the ibex, the
antelope and the mountain sheep. You may eat any animal that
has a divided hoof and that chews the cud. However,
of those that chew the cud or that have a divided hoof you may not eat the
camel, the rabbit or the hyrax. Although they chew the cud, they do not have a
divided hoof; they are ceremonially unclean for you. The pig is
also unclean; although it has a divided hoof, it does not chew the cud. You are
not to eat their meat or touch their carcasses.
Of all the creatures living in the water of
the seas and the streams you may eat any that have fins and scales. But
all creatures in the seas or streams that do not have fins and scales—whether
among all the swarming things or among all the other living creatures in the
water—you are to regard as unclean. And
since you are to regard them as unclean, you must not eat their meat; you must
regard their carcasses as unclean. Anything
living in the water that does not have fins and scales is to be regarded as
unclean by you.
These are the birds you are to regard as
unclean and not eat because they are unclean: the eagle, the vulture, the black
vulture,
the red kite, any kind of black kite, any kind of raven, the horned owl, the
screech owl, the gull, any kind of hawk, the
little owl, the cormorant, the great owl, the
white owl, the desert owl, the osprey, the stork, any
kind of heron, the hoopoe and the bat.
All flying insects that walk on all fours are
to be regarded as unclean by you. There are,
however, some flying insects that walk on all fours that you may eat: those
that have jointed legs for hopping on the ground. Of
these you may eat any kind of locust, katydid, cricket or grasshopper. But all other flying insects that have four legs you are to regard
as unclean.
You will make yourselves unclean by these;
whoever touches their carcasses will be unclean till evening. Whoever
picks up one of their carcasses must wash their clothes, and they will be
unclean till evening.
Every animal that does not have a divided
hoof or that does not chew the cud is unclean for you; whoever touches the carcass
of any of them will be unclean. Of all the animals that
walk on all fours, those that walk on their paws are unclean for you; whoever
touches their carcasses will be unclean till evening. Anyone
who picks up their carcasses must wash their clothes, and they will be unclean
till evening. These animals are unclean for you.
Of the animals that move along the ground,
these are unclean for you: the weasel, the rat, any kind of great lizard, the
gecko, the monitor lizard, the wall lizard, the skink and the chameleon.
Of all those that move along the ground,
these are unclean for you. Whoever touches them when they are dead will be
unclean till evening. When one of them
dies and falls on something, that article, whatever its use, will be unclean,
whether it is made of wood, cloth, hide or sackcloth. Put it in water; it will
be unclean till evening, and then it will be clean. If
one of them falls into a clay pot, everything in it will be unclean, and you
must break the pot. Any food you are
allowed to eat that has come into contact with water from any such pot is
unclean, and any liquid that is drunk from such a pot is unclean. Anything that one of their carcasses falls on
becomes unclean; an oven or cooking pot must be broken up. They are unclean,
and you are to regard them as unclean. A
spring, however, or a cistern for collecting water remains clean, but anyone
who touches one of these carcasses is unclean. If
a carcass falls on any seeds that are to be planted, they remain clean. But
if water has been put on the seed and a carcass falls on it, it is unclean for
you.
If an animal that you are allowed to eat
dies, anyone who touches its carcass will be unclean till evening. Anyone
who eats some of its carcass must wash their clothes, and they will be unclean
till evening. Anyone who picks up the carcass must wash their clothes, and they
will be unclean till evening.
Every creature that moves along the ground is
to be regarded as unclean; it is not to be eaten. You
are not to eat any creature that moves along the ground, whether it moves on
its belly or walks on all fours or on many feet; it is unclean. Do not defile yourselves by any of these creatures.
Do not make yourselves unclean by means of them or be made unclean by them.
I am the Lord your God;
consecrate yourselves and be holy, because I am holy. Do not make yourselves
unclean by any creature that moves along the ground.
These are the regulations concerning animals,
birds, every living thing that moves about in the water and every creature that
moves along the ground. You must distinguish between the
unclean and the clean, between living creatures that may be eaten and those
that may not be eaten.
Do not cook a young goat in its mother’s
milk.
Do not eat the tendon attached to the socket
of the hip, because the socket of Jacob’s hip was touched near the tendon.
Everything that lives and moves about will be
food for you. Just as I gave you the green plants, I now give you everything.
But you must not eat meat that has its
lifeblood still in it. And for your lifeblood I will surely
demand an accounting. I will demand an accounting from every animal. And from
each human being, too, I will demand an accounting for the life of another
human being.
Do not plant your field with two kinds of
seed.
When you enter the land and plant any kind of
fruit tree, regard its fruit as forbidden. For three years you are to consider
it forbidden; it must not be eaten. In the
fourth year all its fruit will be holy, an offering of praise to the Lord. But in the fifth year you
may eat its fruit. In this way your harvest will be increased.
…The
hyrax is a giant rat. It can get to be 10-15 pounds. Most of them are extinct.
So somebody was eating those bad boys. Tastes just like chicken!
A
hoopoe is a truly stupid looking bird that looks like an orange pencil at one
end and a zebra at the other; it hollers “HOOPOE! HOOPOE!” all the live-long
day and richly deserves to be eaten for that reason.
A
skink is a truly ugly lizard with a blue tongue. I don’t think any man or
animal has ever eaten one. Ever.
My
point being, The Lord allegedly went into that kind of detail on menu items
when handing down his laws. And then went into excruciating detail about all the stuff the Jews had to do for their priests -- build the beautiful temple, give the priests tons of meat every week. And then "He" said nothing at all about marriage
between one man and one woman. Possibly because all of his followers practiced
polygamy.
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