Mitch McConnell and Karl Rove
are bullies. And like all bullies they are cowards. They are afraid that Ashley
Judd, the actress, may challenge McConnell for his Senate seat – the fact that
the most powerful Republican in the country is vulnerable to a challenge by a
woman with no electoral experience is a surprise in itself. So they are
spending big buckets of dirty money, attacking Judd. Even though she has yet to
attempt any campaign in any political race, or even announce she’s running. These
two guys think the people of Kentucky are a bunch of drooling rubes who will
happily hold their coats while these two guys try to beat this girl up.
So I’d like to see Judd run. And
here is how I think she should announce her candidacy.
“Mitch McConnell and his buddy
Karl Rove have been running attack ads against me, before I had any idea about
running for anything. That’s no surprise – Mitch has been running negative
attack ads against all sorts of people for three decades. We’re used to it,
aren’t we, Kentucky? Mitch has been telling you that he is the real Kentuckian,
and that I’m some evil carpetbagger....from far-off Tennessee. Well, let’s
unpack that carpetbag, shall we?
“We know Mitch isn’t a real Kentuckian,
because he’s an extremist. A lot of people across this country think
Kentuckians are a bunch of backward rednecks with more tattoos than teeth. And
we’re not. A majority of Kentuckians even support civil unions for gays and
lesbians, we tossed out the sodomy law, we protect gays from discrimination in
employment and adoption and hate crimes and transsexuals. But Mitch doesn’t get the notion that
Kentucky, like the rest of the country, has moved into the 21st
century. He doesn’t really know us, so he doesn’t realize that we’re just like
everybody else in this country: we think the Republican party has gone a little
too far on immigration and guns and the budget and climate change. And Mitch is
on the wrong side of all those issues. And he wants women to lose their right
to choose, and all of us to lose affordable health care. He really believed
al-Qaida and Saddam were the same thing and he supported illegal arrests,
illegal wiretaps, and torture.
“Here in Kentucky we’re looking for somebody
who’s honest, somebody we can trust. It’s a Kentucky value. Mitch McConnell has
some explaining to do. He says he the real Kentuckian, but he was born in
Alabama. He says ‘Hi, I’m Mitch”, but his real first name is Addison. He’s a
lawyer who avoided serving in Vietnam, divorced his wife, and has symptoms of
multiple sclerosis that he hasn’t explained.
“Here in Kentucky we’re plain
folks who wonder how one of our neighbors got to be rich without actually doing
a real job. Harry Truman once said that there’s no way to get rich in politics
unless you’re a crook. So how did Mitch become a multi-millionaire? I’ll tell
you how. He set new standards for corruption in the Senate, setting up earmark
contracts for his cronies, and misusing money from a nonprofit. He took millions
from bankers, insurance companies and crooked lawyers; eight times he got
direct campaign money for voting or blocking a vote, and he has flipflopped on
major issues for political gain. And of course he has blocked campaign finance
reform and lobbying reform, and he opposes accountability for senior officials.
Being a crook is not a Kentucky value.
“Here in Kentucky, money’s
short, like it is everywhere else. We like getting our money’s worth. So we’re
a little suspicious when we spend a trillion dollars on our government, and
then senior members of that government destroy it deliberately, just to try to
make the President look bad. Our man Mitch, a man’s whose salary we’re paying
for, has broken our government with a series of filibusters and blocked votes,
which is without precedent in the history of this country. Once he even
filibustered his own motion! He doesn’t believe in majority rule, he doesn’t
believe in democracy.
“And he’s a sore loser. That’s
why he spent four years screeching that he was going to make Obama a one-term
president. In Kentucky we believe in sportsmanship: when our horse loses, we
smile and pay up. When Christian Laettner stomps on us on his way to the Final
Four, we just say “congratulations”, and then get back to practice, and then
win it the whole tournament four years later. We know something Mitch can never
understand: how to play the game with class.
“Mitch McConnell of Kentucky –
or should I say, Addison McConnell of Alabama – doesn’t represent Kentucky
values. He’s a dishonest crook, an extremist, a man who hates American
democracy unless he can buy it or hijack it for his own purposes. And he has no
class. Is there anybody in this state who doesn’t think we can do better?
“People of Kentucky, we are the land of bourbon,
bluegrass, barbecue, basketball, and betting on a fast horse. We’re the land of
Abraham Lincoln and Jeff Davis, Muhammad Ali and Johnny Unitas, Daniel Boone
and Henry Clay, Jim Bowie and Kit
Carson, John Scopes and Louis Brandeis, Hunter Thompson and George Clooney. Do we really want Mitch and Rand
Paul to be the public faces of our state? Let’s send a Senator to Washington
who isn’t an embarrassment to our people!”
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