Teabagger protest foiled by socialist government employee!

The teabagger protest that never was!

There was supposed to be another teabagger protest in D.C. this weekend, but tragically it fell apart.

Thousands of teabaggers descended again upon the National Mall in Washington, ready to yell and scream and wave signs and grill and barbecue and foment revolution…only to be stopped by a young lad from the National Park Service, right there at Third Street and Pennsylvania Avenue.

“Okay, fellers, we’re going to let you have your we-hate-government hootenanny today. But my boss, the Secretary of the Interior, has decreed that the only people who can take part in your march are people who don’t use all those nasty socialist government programs you’re protesting.”

“So everybody line up while I ask you ten questions.”


Did anybody come here on FAA-regulated airlines, or our roads, or our rail systems, or subways or Metros or bus or lightrail? Did you use any rest areas? You did? Ha, socialist! Goodbye!

While you were here in Washington, did you visit the Capitol, the Smithsonian, the monuments, the WWII and Vietnam memorials, the Arlington cemetery? Have you visited the Statue of Liberty or the Grand Canyon or any national park? Any public parks, beaches, zoos, museums, libraries? You did? Socialist, goodbye!

Do you use public water, public sewage, trash collection? Do you send letters using the postal service? You do? Socialist, goodbye!

Are you protected by the police and firemen and ambulance workers? Are you protected by the military, the CIA, the FBI, Homeland Security? You are? Socialist, goodbye!

Has anybody in your family ever gone to public schools? Public colleges? They did? Socialist, goodbye!

Do you use any products which were developed with government help, such as the internet and email? You do? Socialist, goodbye!

Any military folks in your family getting VA care? They are? Socialist, goodbye!

Did anybody in your family ever get unemployment insurance? They did? Socialist, goodbye!

Did you ever go to a doctor or hospital that ever got government money, or use food, clothes or drugs developed with government funding? You did? Socialist, goodbye!

Do you plan to use Social Security or Medicare when you get old? You do? Socialist, goodbye!


And slowly the crowd dwindled down to….three crazy old Bigfoot-like mountain men who had never seen civilization in their lives. And then the Park Service pointed out that they were standing on a government-built sidewalk and tossed them out too.