Within hours of Florida providing the final score for Obama’s election victory, citizens from twenty different states sent the White House petitions for permission to secede. Twenty! There are so many stupid things about this that I can’t possibly address them all. So I’ll just do two.
First. Since when is losing an election grounds for secession? When the Republicans illegally tossed thousands of minorities off the voter rolls in Florida in 2000, physically stopped election officials from counting votes, and stole the election by means of one Supreme Court Justice with an admitted conflict of interest, and proceeded to steer Bush’s illegal presidency into illegal wars, illegal torture, illegal detention, illegal firings of inconvenient prosecutors….did California and New York say “screw it, we’re starting a new country!”? Of course not. Because liberals respect the process even when we lose, because we’re freakin’ grownups. This is like the Oakland Raiders throwing a hissy fit and leaving the NFL just because the Ravens spanked them fair and square.
And second. Most of the states trying to secede are the usual suspects, in the deep south, and in the E-I-E-I-O states in the middle of nowhere. Red states. And this is the terrible secret that the red-staters don’t want you to know: the red states are net consumers of federal money. Every day, every month, every year, money flows from taxpayers in the blue states to all the couch-potato redneck rubes out in Limbaugh land, the semi-literate dropouts who can’t get work, the retirees who stopped thinking coherently around the time of Nixon and Reagan – they are all the consumers of welfare programs, Medicare, Medicaid, Social Security. Which means that if they secede, they freakin’ starve. And incidentally these are programs which Obama, the winner, is trying to protect: it is Team Red that is trying to dismantle these programs which are keeping the red states from turning into Somalia. These clowns would rather commit suicide than accept a scary black man beat a white guy.
Stupid is as stupid does.
And by the way, third. We already went through this secession crap once. With the same people. We spanked them because we outnumbered them, we were smarter, and we were right and they were wrong. None of which has changed.