Declare war on Arizona in ten easy steps!
Proceed to your local used-car dealership, and purchase the biggest, oldest car you can find. Cadillacs, old Lincolns, perhaps a really old T-Bird or Monte Carlo.
Proceed to your local body shop, and have the car lowered six inches down to the ground, and painted a cheery pastel color – yellow, pink, lavender, baby blue, minty green. While you’re there, put in an eight-track player. Fuzzy dice if you want to show off.
Next, the hat shop for ten sombreros.
Next, the used music store, for an old eight-track of Abraxas by Santana. Track three, Oye Como Va.
Next, the dentist, to cap one tooth, and only one, in gold.
Next, the drugstore for an eyebrow pencil. Draw a teeny mustache. Girls, you too!
Ladies, into your closets to dress up like cheap ho’s.
Now, load ten folks, all duded up in their hats and mustaches and ho-gear, into the car. Bring no identification whatsoever. Santana up to 11. Sing along, badly.
Point the car toward Arizona. Pick a town. Ride up and down the street in front of police headquarters. Make them arrest you. Take pictures with your cell phone and send them to Rachel Maddow.
Lather, rinse, repeat until election day.
Better yet, get Minnesota to pass the same law to hunt down people who look...Canadian. "What's all the fuss aboooooot, Officer??"
Even better – since these circus clowns also passed a law essentially saying that Obama is an illegal alien, send Obama down there and dare them to arrest him. Unlike those addle-brained Barney Fifes down in the desert who excel only in roughing up defenceless people, the Secret Service actually knows how to use their weapons on armed targets.
And aren’t these the same right-wing yahoos who were out on the Mall with their guns a few days ago, screeching about how overly intrusive the government is, in Obama’s dreaded police state? And now they want the Gestapo pulling people off the streets to check their papers….oh, right, how silly of me. Freedom for white people, Gestapo scrutiny for brown people. My bad! Meanwhile their buddies have passed an unbelievably draconian abortion law in Oklahoma – one minute they want Big Gummint off their backs, and the next thing they are sticking probes up our vaginas.
The GOP is writing Obama’s ads for him: the masturbating SEC inspectors, the chicken to the doctor, arresting Latinos for “driving while brown”, McConnell getting caught spewing dishonest talking points about finance reform, the Oklahoma vagina probes….
And you have to wonder why they’re screaming about this. Illegal immigrants pay more into social security and taxes than they cost in services – it’s a net gain. And the only jobs they’re taking away are coming from blacks and the uneducated who already can’t find jobs anyway. And cities with large immigrant populations see their crime rates drop, particularly since all the Mexican gang violence has been kept on the southern side of the border. The main danger of illegal immigration is to the immigrants themselves; slavery, prostitution and other exploitation, and death by exposure in the desert. So anybody who is ready to yell and scream and fight and kill over this issue is motivated by sheer racism.
Fortunately, the law will not survive in court.
First, it’s not just the Arizona state police who can grab “suspicious” people without a warrant. Any employee of any local government not only can do it, but is required to do it. So the local kindergarten teacher, or the little old lady who prints out the paychecks for the town council, can strap on a gun at quitting time and go a-huntin’ fer Mexicans. The law is so vague that anything that could qualify as a “political subdivision”, which could include everything from a condo association to the local PTA, is not only empowered but required to go catch the bad guys. None of these “officials” can be prohibited from obtaining immigration status information, which could require detainees to incriminate themselves, which has already been ruled unconstitutional. Also, the law says that the police are now allowed to entrap employers, yet another clause which could cause the courts to strike down the law.
Second, the law requires that a violator pay court and attorney costs plus penalties; no commutations allowed. And if a policeman is sued, his attorney fees could be passed to the detainee for payment. This is very likely to violate proper procedure for civil trial, so there’s another court challenge.
Third, any person who is physically in the state of Arizona without an ID is technically in violation of the law; likewise, anyone seeking employment, or working, in Arizona. If you carry someone without an ID in your car, or let them in your house, or invite them to visit you from outside Arizona, you could go to jail and lose your car to the impound lot.
Incidentally, if you have thousands of “officials” out on the streets and highways hunting Mexicans, many with inadequate or improper training, then there are only about a hundred ways to go wrong: people getting hurt or killed, procedures being followed incorrectly, detainees thrown into local rather than federal facilities, “officials” being dragged into court to explain what their reasonable suspicion was, other than brown skin….So, yeah, there’s even more lawsuit activity there.
Even if the law surmounts those three problem areas in court, the law can still be killed easily by Obama. Only the federal government can verify – “yes, you’re legal” – according to the law. So once you’re detained, you must be handed over to federal custody – all Obama needs to do is refuse to accept the detainees or rule on their status, and the law is blown away. These idiots want to send folks out with guns to round up anybody with a vowel at the end of their name and put them in some sort of desert gulag, but they mandated that it must be a federal gulag – notwithstanding the fact that the guy who would have to administer the aforementioned gulag, Obama, says he doesn’t like the law and is very unlikely to cooperate.
So what will happen first, having the law overturned in court, or the first Mexican getting killed by some buckaroo? Particularly given the toxic environment down there: the governor signs a concealed-carry bill which greatly increases the odds on some perfectly legal Mexican getting plugged for no reason, Sheriff Arpaio’s effective declaration of martial law extends to using police powers to terrorize his political opponents (flaming radicals like the mayor, the police chief, the state attorney general), and one Congressman is already getting death threats, probably because his name ends in a vowel.