When
religious wingnuts tangle with science, the wingnuts lose.
So
imagine my joy to hear the wingnuts hollering: “You don’t see homosexuality in
the natural world. It’s unnatural!”
First
of all, homosexuality has been seen in well over a thousand species, from the
lower-order animals up to primates. Same-sex couples across the animal kingdom
not only have sex – they court each other, show affection, pair off, and raise
offspring. Sheep seem to be major “offenders”. Among black swans homosexual
pairings may be as high as 25 percent; ten percent or more in mallards and
western gulls; pollution causes homosexuality in ibises; the practice is
epidemic among penguins; dolphins have gay sex with their blow-holes. A
majority of sex activity among bonobo apes is girl on girl, and homosexuality
among primates is very high, suggesting the possibility that homosexuality is linked
to higher intelligence. Asian elephants engage in gay sex almost half the time
and form long-term gay relationships, and the rate is even higher among
giraffes. Dragonflies have gay sex even though it can damage their heads (which
suggests to me that maybe they’re doing it wrong). Some animals are asexual,
and others indulge in cross-species sex.
Likewise
it is asinine to argue that God, the maker of nature, hates gay people, when he
made millions and millions of them, in addition to all those gay animals. Just as it says in Corinthians: “However that may be, let
each of you lead the life that the Lord has assigned, to which God called you.”
In other words, you were Born That Way. Made That Way By God. Or, if you
prefer, nature.
And
second, if we’re talking about unnatural things, then the men of science will
inevitably go on offense themselves, into enemy territory. The Bible. A talking
snake, totally unnatural. A wheel of fire in the sky, a violation of the laws
of nature. A burning bush, a rain of blood, a magical massacre of children,
water into wine, raising people from the dead, angels, dragons, demons, talking
donkeys, a ladder climbing into the sky, witches talking to the dead, walking
on water, feeding five thousand with one basket of food, curing the sick with
the laying on of hands, sticks into snakes, parting of the Red Sea, water from
a rock, the sun stopping in the sky, iron floating, manna from heaven, a man
living in a whale’s stomach, a woman turned to salt. Even Harry Potter didn’t
give us such an insane circus of nature-defying magic. The Bible is not only
not natural, it is an insult to nature, violating nature’s laws in laughably
fraudulent fables.
And
nothing, nothing in the history of man or his literature, could ever be more
unnatural than God deciding, in Genesis, to kill off almost all of mankind AND the
animals and plants too. Then God did the same in Egypt – when he killed the
first-born babies, he killed off the first-born animals too. And then God promises
to do the same again in Revelation, kill off almost all of mankind while
wreaking widespread destruction of the natural world on earth. God declares
unrestricted war on nature.
And no gay man in history ever violated the
laws of nature more than the Big Cheese himself, Jesus of Nazareth. Not only
did Jesus violate nature over and over, his followers used those very violations
of nature to prove his divinity. There is a causal relationship here – the way
you prove you have God on your side is to violate nature with a miracle. The
second most prolific miracle-monger in the Bible, after Jesus, is Moses, who
flung all those nature-defying miracles at the Pharaoh, and Moses is the
tent-pole for the entire Old Testament, handing down the laws (via miracle, of
course) to the Jews, who then spent most of the Old Testament violating those
very laws and receiving God’s punishment (again, via miracle). The early
founders of Christianity stressed this over and over: Jesus must be God because
he rose from the dead and flew into heaven in violation of nature’s laws, and the
disciples must be holy too because they performed miracles. The way you prove
you’re on Team God, the way saints get their sainthoods from the pope, is to
violate nature via a miracle.
Taking
the faithful at their word, then…if you don’t believe in miraculous violations
of nature, you can’t really be counted as a Christian. Faith in miracles is
what gets you in the door.
So,
summing up, religious faith requires belief in miracles: it requires a belief
that nature’s laws don’t matter -- except when it comes to gays. Who already
exist in nature anyway. That’s religious “logic” for you.
Being
gay is perfectly in harmony with nature. The Bible is a violation of nature.
Today’s
box score: Science 1, Religion 0. Getting to be a trend.
For extra fun, remind them of all the stuff they do every day, that is unnatural. Using indoor plumbing, wearing glasses, refrigeration, the microwave, the internet, the telephone, the TV, modern medicine so we don't all die when we're thirty, brushing our teeth, driving a car, wearing shoes, deodorant, tampons....solving our problems via democracy instead of hitting each other with sticks....
For extra fun, remind them of all the stuff they do every day, that is unnatural. Using indoor plumbing, wearing glasses, refrigeration, the microwave, the internet, the telephone, the TV, modern medicine so we don't all die when we're thirty, brushing our teeth, driving a car, wearing shoes, deodorant, tampons....solving our problems via democracy instead of hitting each other with sticks....
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